Last June my right hand quit.
Twenty-one days later, 3 AM to 7 PM every one of them, I had most of her job automated. What I didn't have was a single new conversation in the pipeline. The second I got busy, outreach stopped. I was the whole system.
So I rebuilt that too. And I started keeping the emails that actually got answered.
That's this. Six emails, filed by the situation I was in when I sent them. Full bodies. What each one's doing, and the one variable you have to make yours.
Bookmark it. You'll want it the next time you're staring at a blank compose window with a name in the To field you actually care about.
The Body Is Where It Dies
I already gave you the subject lines. That's the easy half. A subject line has one job. Earn the open.
Then they open it, and you've got about four seconds.
Four seconds to prove you know something about their business. Not yours. Theirs.
Every email below does five things:
- Says why you're in their inbox today
- Names the problem in their words
- Carries a number with a client's name on it
- Asks something answerable in one line
- Gives them a clean way out
Miss the first one and the other four don't matter.
How to Use This
Six situations. Pick the one that matches where you actually stand with this person. Sending a first touch to somebody who's ghosted you twice is how you end up in spam.
Under each email: Why It Works and Swap. Swap is the variable that has to be yours. Change nothing else, change that.
The First Touch
They don't know you. They didn't ask. You get one line to justify the intrusion.
Subjectthe Sunday problem
{first_name},
{specific_trigger} is what put me here.
When'd you last do real marketing work on a day that wasn't a Sunday?
Delivery wins every week. Marketing waits on a free weekend that doesn't come. New business runs on whatever's left of you, and by Friday that's not much.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Rachel Minion
Rockstarr & Moon
P.S. Not the time? Reply "pause" and I'll stop.
Why It Works: "Tell me I'm wrong" is the whole email. One word back if they've solved it. An argument if they haven't. Both are replies. "Let me know if you'd like to chat" gets you neither.
Swap: Line one. A post they wrote. A hire they made. A deal they closed. A name you share. No trigger, no email. Good writing underneath won't save it.
The Follow-Up
Day nine. Not day two.
A second email that just says "following up" hands them nothing to react to, so it gets deleted faster than the first one. Give them a story instead.
Subjectre: the Sunday problem
{first_name},
Last June my right hand quit. Twenty-one days of 3 AM to 7 PM before I saw the real problem. Wasn't the hire. I was the system. When I got busy, new business stopped.
So I rebuilt it as a system instead of a person.
Then we ran the same thing at Oaklyn Consulting, an M&A advisory firm. Profit up 93% in a year. Not revenue. Profit.
Fifteen minutes?
Rachel
Rockstarr & Moon
P.S. Not the time? Reply "pause" and I'll stop.
Why It Works: Same subject line, so the thread reads as one conversation. And it pays them before it asks. The ask is two words.
Swap: The story. Mine's the 21 days. Yours is whatever moment made you build the thing you sell. No moment, don't send this one.
When They Go Dark
They replied once. Maybe took a call. Then delivery ate them.
Don't pretend the gap didn't happen. Name it, quote them back to themselves, hand them one new fact.
SubjectMarch
{first_name},
We talked in March. You said new business only happened when you got a free Sunday.
Then it went quiet, which usually means delivery won again.
One thing worth telling you since. SalesSparx sold more in one quarter than they did the whole year before.
Still the same problem, or did you fix it? Either answer helps me.
Rachel
Rockstarr & Moon
Why It Works: Their own words restart the conversation where it stalled. They don't have to reconstruct anything to answer you.
Swap: Their quote and the new fact. Nothing actually changed since you spoke? Then you don't have a reason to email.
The Warm Intro
Highest converting email on this list. Also the one founders waste most, usually on three paragraphs thanking somebody who isn't reading it.
Subject{referrer_first_name}
{first_name},
{referrer_full_name} told me to email you. His words: "{what_he_actually_said}."
Here's why he did it. Oaklyn Consulting is an M&A advisory firm with the problem he says you've got. Their profit's up 93% in a year. Not revenue. Profit.
I'd rather hear your version than pitch you. Fifteen minutes this week or next?
Rachel
Rockstarr & Moon
Why It Works: The referrer's name is the subject line. It's the only thing in there the reader already trusts.
Swap: The quote. Real words, his words. They'll check.
After the Podcast
You heard them on a show. Or stood next to them at a conference for six minutes. You've got one piece of real context and you're about to blow it on "great to meet you."
Subject{show_name}, the part about {topic}
{first_name},
You said {specific_thing_they_said} on {show_name}. Stuck with me, because I argued the opposite for two years and lost.
I run Rockstarr & Moon. Same problem, operator seat.
What I want to know is whether that held up when you scaled. Mine didn't.
Twenty minutes, or trade notes by email. Either's fine.
Rachel
Rockstarr & Moon
Why It Works: It proves you were there. Then it hands them the better seat by admitting you were wrong. People answer that. Nobody answers a compliment.
Swap: What they said. Can't fill it with a real quote? Go listen to the episode.
The Breakup
Four emails. Nothing back. This one pulls more replies than the three before it, because it's the first one that stops asking.
Subjectlast one
{first_name}, four emails, no reply. No hard feelings.
If now's not the moment, I'll close the loop. But if there's a version of this that would land, different angle, different time, different format, tell me. I'm listening.
Rachel
Rockstarr & Moon
Why It Works: It trades the ask for a question about you. People who won't answer a pitch will answer a request for feedback. And silence here is free research.
Swap: Nothing. Send it as written. Adding one more pitch at the bottom is the only way to ruin it.
Phrases That Get You Deleted
- I hope this email finds you well
- I wanted to reach out
- Circling back
- Just following up
- Touching base
- Quick question
- Picking your brain
- As per my last email
- At your earliest convenience
- Dear Sir or Madam
- I know you're busy, but
- Let me know if you'd like to chat
- Synergy
- Leverage
- Transform
- Game-changing
- Revolutionary
And em dashes. Nobody warns you about that one. They're fine in an article like this. In cold email they read machine-written to anyone who sends outreach for a living, which is exactly who you're emailing. Use a comma. Or start a new sentence.
Go Send One
A swipe file gets you started. It doesn't write the email for you. These six worked because the variable was true for whoever sent it. Copy the structure, then do the hard part.
Track replies. Not opens. Opens tell you the subject line worked. Replies tell you the body did.
Want more of this? The subject line swipe file covers the half this one doesn't. The CTA copy starters cover the last line.